By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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