That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
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It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
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I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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