Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
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Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
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I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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