Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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