I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize