Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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