She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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