turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Rumble strips road head = magical
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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