you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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