I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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