so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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