you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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