Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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