I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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