Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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