He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
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She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
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But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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