both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
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Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
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I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
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