At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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