He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
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If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
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