Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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