I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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