i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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