I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
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I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
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Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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