trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
she peed on how many people?
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I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
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The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
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