I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize