you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
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nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
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Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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