Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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