Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
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I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
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I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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