Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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