: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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