he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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