The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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