you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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