theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize