Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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