At least make sure they are 18
Why
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
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I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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