So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
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I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
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Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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