the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
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Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
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Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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