dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
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