TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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