I puked a lego.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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