its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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