when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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