I wish i was in the wii world.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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