If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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