..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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