remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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