you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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