Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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