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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
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Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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